Everyone says they’ll be there in your time of need. How many of those people are willing to sit beside you in the dark when your eyes are too sensitive from crying to bare the light? Everyone wants to be the hero, but no one wants to come save you from your inner hell.
When I shared my mental health struggles, my best friend of 13 years decided to leave me in the dust. And to be quite honest, it was much more painful than a regular break up. All the cuts, the bruises, and mental abuse I had put myself through, nothing came close to the pain I felt when she left. For 13 years she was my go-to for every situation. New job, call her. New crush, call her. So once she’s gone, who do you call? I spent many night crying myself to sleep. I held in all the pain I felt as sharing it cost me my best friend. I wondered what I did to deserve this, what I did to scare her away. I know my battles were pretty tough, but I thought our friendship was tougher.
As all things do, getting over you took time. I acted like I wasn’t even hurt, but I was. I was hurt, angry, sad, betrayed, and alone. But here we are two years later and I’m finally realizing that our best friend break up was the most liberating thing I have ever experienced. So thank you, for turning me into the warrior I am today. Thank you for making me realize that I am worth so much more than you made me feel I was.
But most of all, thank you for teaching me that even though it felt like the end of the world, it wasn’t. I never thought I’d make it through the end of us, but I did. And now I know that no matter what life throws my way, I can and I will make it through.
Goodbye, best friend